


A love to die for

by IgraineNofear



Category: Wicked - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, Temporary Character Death, alternate universe - gods & goddesses & mortals, elphaba is the goddess of death, glinda is a disaster gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2019-12-25 06:44:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18255890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IgraineNofear/pseuds/IgraineNofear
Summary: A mortal and a Goddess fall for each other despite all difficulties and problems.





	1. Chapter 1 - Dying isn't so bad after all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glinda meets a Goddess and gets a crush.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for checking out this fanfiction. There will be a lot of dying throughout it, so please take care. I will add additional warnings to each chapter.

Glinda despised everything about her current situation. Her knees and eyes and stomach hurt horribly. She hadn’t eaten in forever. The candles did not provide nearly enough light. And she had been crouching on that stone floor for what felt like ages.  
But the superior maunt had once again ordered Glinda to take care of the statues of the Gods. And the floors of the sanctuary. And the walls. And the columns. 

Glinda hated her. And she hated the mauntery. And the Gods.

If only… No, she couldn’t think about that. Not any more. What was done was done. No use in letting her thoughts go back there. Glinda sighed longingly and stared up to the colourful windows. Sometimes she wished she could just fly away. Oh, how the maunts would stare! Glinda would spread her wings, flash those imbeciles a smile, and then never look back ever again. 

But for now she was stuck here. And she really had to finish this punishment. Otherwise she would just be punished even worse. So she got back to dusting and scrubbing and polishing. From time to time one of the other maunts came to check up on her and glare at her. She hated every single one of them with their obnoxious self-righteousness.

And then, finally, the night prayer bells rang and saved Glinda from the straining work. She hurried to the prayer room and threw herself down on the floor. All around her other women were laying with closed eyes, listening intently to the words of the superior maunt. Glinda did not listen. She let her mind wander and waited for all of this to be over. She was rudely shaken from her thoughts when her name was called. The superior maunt glared at her. The others did, too. 

‘Glinda’, the superior maunt said, ‘have you finished your assignment?’ Glinda shook her head. ‘Why not, child?’ Glinda had no answer. Well, she did have one, but that would only put her intp more trouble. So she kept her mouth shut. ‘Once again, you disappoint us’, the superior maunt scolded her. The others muttered their agreement. ‘You should show some gratitude. Where would you be if it hadn’t been for the mercy of the Gods?’ Glinda clenched her jaw. She knew where she would be. And sometimes she believed that alternative to be better. Not that she could ever say that to the maunts’ faces. 

‘Please forgive me’, Glinda whispered. The superior maunt’s look became impossibly more stern. ‘It is not me you have to beg for forgiveness. You shamed the Gods! You are guilty of sloth and tardiness!’, she bellowed at Glinda. Then with a sigh, she continued: ‘Finish your work tonight, and fast tomorrow and overmorrow, then you shall be forgiven.’ The others were sent to their chambers. On the way out they shot dirty glances at Glinda. She tried to ignore them as best as she could.

Glinda walked back to where she had left her supplies. Anger was bubbling in her chest and she wished nothing more than to go back to that haughty, annoying woman and… Glinda didn’t even know what exactly she wanted to do. But it was certainly something neither those maunts nor her family would approve of. Gods, how she missed her family. And her friends. And the city. If only she could see them again one day. But she was stuck here and wouldn’t see anything but these grey walls ever again. 

She picked up the cloth and turned to the marble stature in front of her. Sharp features, long robes, and a pointed hat. A permanent scowl sneered down at Glinda. The Wicked One did look exactly the way her name implied. It wasn’t her actual name, though. The Goddess of Witchcraft and Death stroke so much fear into the mortals’ heart that they didn’t dare to say her real name in fear of summoning her. Oh, how Glinda wished that people would fear her in the same way. No one would ever dare to cross her, no one would dare to order her around. She and her decisions would be respected.

In a sudden burst of anger and desperation, Glinda turned around and kicked one of those big columns. She hated them. She hated everything. She hated herself for getting into this situation. Stupid Gods. Kick. Stupid society. Kick. Stupid Glinda. Kick. Stupid, stupid, stupid.  
Tears were rolling down her face and not for the first time she just wanted to stop existing. The familiar tingling sensation was rushing through her body but she ignored it. There were other things to worry about. She was so caught up in her feelings, she didn’t even hear the crack before it was too late. The kicks had destabilised something in the ceiling and stones started to fall down. Glinda shrieked. Then everything went black.

~~~

Glinda woke up in darkness. She couldn’t see anything at all. She knew she was awake but everything else remained a mystery. Where was she?

Then without a warning the darkness turned into a bright light. Blinded and startled, Glinda jumped back. And collided with someone. She let out a loud scream and turned around. 

‘Greetings’, the person said. They were the only dark spot for miles in the now white hall. The light seemed to flee from where they stood. Their black robes were moving gently in a breeze Glinda couldn’t feel. She had to crane her neck to look at their face. A very green face hidden under a hideous hat. With a chiselled jawline and a long nose. Glinda’s jaw dropped in shock. She knew that person from horrifying tales and scary stories. The second scream could have shattered glass.

The green woman winced but didn’t seem surprised. ‘I see you know who I am’, she said flatly. ‘Then surely, you know why I have come.’ Glinda was trembling now. She tried to hide it by crossing her arms and standing up taller. ‘You’re – you’re’, Glinda stuttered, ‘you’re Elphaba!’

Now that actually seemed to surprise the other woman. Her eyebrows shot up. She blinked a few times, collected herself, and then finally spoke again. ‘That is correct. But - but are you not scared to say my name?’ She seemed to be in disbelief and honest astonishment. Glinda smiled timidly at her. Her hands were still shaking and her knees felt weak. But strangely enough, she did not feel as scared anymore. ‘What are you going to do? Visit me?’, she asked. That seemed to shock Elphaba even more. Her mouth fell open and she stared at Glinda for what might have been hours. She cleared her throat. ‘It certainly has been a while since someone spoke back to me like that’, she mused. 

Glinda was mortified. Her big mouth had gotten her into trouble more than once. But never before had she insulted death. She started apologising but stopped herself. Her eyes narrowed. ‘You’re not really Elphaba.’ 

‘What?’, Elphaba exclaimed. 

Glinda repeated herself. ‘You’re not really Elphaba at all!’ 

Elphaba started laughing. Wonderful, loud cackling that turned into hiccups. ‘You are the most amusing person I have had to visit in ages!’, Elphaba said in between hiccups. ‘I’m not Elphaba’, she spoke under her breath and chuckled again. She looked back at Glinda. ‘Now, my sweet, why would you say that?’ Glinda blushed. She had called her her sweet! But she had to focus, so she took a deep breath. ‘You’re not Elphaba, because she doesn’t exist.’ 

Elphaba stared at her dumbfounded. ‘Excuse me, what!?’ There was no going back, so Glinda explained: ‘She is an old pagan legend that has led to the persecution of women anytime something bad happens.’ Elphaba’s mouth opened and closed again. Then she pulled herself together. ‘I am standing right in front of you!’ Glinda was on a roll now. ‘You could just be a hallucination. Or the Unnamed God having come to test me.’ Elphaba did not seem to know what to say to that. Her gorgeous face scrunched up. She seemed to think very hard. Glinda didn’t mind the few silent seconds that she could use to really look at the other woman.

She truly was green. That had not been some kind of optical delusion. Every exposed part of her skin was this strange shade of green that reminded Glinda of the Emerald City. Only the lips were darker. Glinda briefly wondered if they would feel as soft as they looked. Elphaba was wearing a dress that had looked black at first glance but in reality was a beautiful whirl of purples and greys and browns and blacks. It was broad around her ankles but tightened at her waist and chest. Her neck was long and her jaw looked like it was carved out of stone. Her nose was slightly crooked but in such a way that it strengthened her royal and divine air.

Then Glinda’s eyes met black ones. She had been caught staring. Glinda blushed worse than before. A gently smile tugged at Elphaba's lips. ‘So you do not think I’m real?’, she asked. Glinda nodded. Elphaba hummed. ‘And if I was to tell you something only the Goddess of Witchcraft and Death would know?’ Glinda thought about that for a minute. ‘It could just be my mind – or the Unnamed God – inventing that story!’ Elphaba pondered this for a minute. Then that breathtaking smile returned. Now it seemed startlingly sad though. ‘We have come to hit a dead end then, haven’t we? But do not fret, I don’t suppose my actual identity has any influence on my task at hand.’ 

Glinda swallowed thickly. Her throat had closed up and she could feel her breaths become staggered. She didn’t want to die. She hated her life, yes, but a miserable life was still a life. And maybe some day she would learn to fly and she would escape. Of course she knew that there was no arguing with death. She searched her mind for anything to say, anything to do, but found nothing that could help. So she blurted out the first thing she could think of. 

‘Is it true you were once mortal?’ It had been a question that had always bothered her about this particular goddess. There were just too many legends and myths clouding her origins. Elphaba arched one of those perfect black eyebrows.

‘Why do you want to know?’ 

‘It’s just-’, Glinda paused, ‘if this is my one chance of talking to you I would like to finally clear that up.’ She cleared her throat and added hastily: ‘Only if you want to tell me of course!’  
Elphaba’s eyebrows scrunched together and her eyes seemed to stare at something far away. Glinda couldn’t help but notice the pull this mysterious woman – goddess – had on her. She had never seen someone to be so thoughtful and it intrigued her. At home she had been taught that girls were not supposed to think on their own for they would be led astray from their fate to become good wives and mothers. In the mauntery, thinking was suspicious as it often involved criticising the Gods and that was blasphemous. But Elphaba was different.

‘This isn’t something to be shared around and it isn’t something I appreciate being bothered about. But I do not see any real harm in telling you some of the true story. See it as a reward for being the most entertaining person I’ve had to visit in a long time’, Elphaba said at last. Glinda’s heart was beating fast again but for a very different reason this time. She was being trusted with this! Glinda felt giddy. She almost squealed. 

Elphaba’s eyebrow was raised again and Glinda did her best not to let her excitement show. She did not want to ruin this. Her happiness though was not dimmed the tiniest bit. Elphaba bit her bottom lip and then took a deep breath. 

‘I know that there are many stories about how I came to be. But yes, it is true. I was born a mortal. I had a … family like most mortals do and I lived my life like most mortals do. You must know that at that moment in time death did not exist.’ Elphaba paused. Her stare felt like it was seeing deep inside Glinda into the place where her soul might be. Glinda could not imagine a world without dying. What a paradise that had to have been!

As if sensing her thoughts Elphaba sighed. ‘It was not all fun, my sweet. People were as cruel then as they are now. In that quality humanity does not appear to improve much.’ She sighed again in such a melancholic way and Glinda felt the strong urge to hug her. She didn’t think she would be allowed to though, so she repressed that urge. 

‘When I was still young, I was thrown into deep waters by some … by some scoundrels. I could not swim. And sinking down I knew I would have to spend an eternity in the bottomless, cold pit. I did not possess the strength to save myself from my cruel fate. I would have had to suffer through endless torture being buried under the water. And so I prayed and prayed and prayed with what little will I still had and then finally my prayers were heard. I was saved when my soul was separated from my body. And I was trusted with the thankless job of visiting other mortals.’ 

When Elphaba had finished Glinda felt as though a spell had been lifted. She returned to reality leaving a tiny terrified green child in that other time. Glinda did not know when exactly she had started crying but her tears were streaming down her face and would not stop anytime soon. Elphaba looked startled and Glinda felt shame cursing hotly through her body. She hadn’t meant to make Elphaba uncomfortable. 

‘I’m sorry’, she whispered coarsely. 

Elphaba frowned. ‘What for?’

Glinda did not know how to answer. Instead she rushed over to Elphaba and hugged her. She knew it was impulsive and probably not the smartest move but she could not stop herself. Elphaba looked so sad and lost and Glinda’s tender heart was bleeding. 

The Goddess stiffened. Her arms hang at her sides not hugging Glinda back. But Glinda didn’t let go. Not yet at least. Rather she cuddled closer trying to chase away the sadness. She was surprised by the other’s warmth. She had assumed her green skin would be cold like that of a frog. But no, all Glinda could find was warmness and a wonderful smell of pines and something magical. Glinda pulled her closer one last time and then let go with a sigh. 

Elphaba looked almost scared but she couldn’t be, right? She was so much more than a simple mortal now. How could Glinda embracing her frighten her? But it seemed as though Glinda had left her a stuttering teen. She tried to speak and stopped every time before she could utter a cohesive word. Until finally, she managed to find her voice again.

‘I have to take you with me now’, Elphaba said with a voice barely above a whisper. Glinda could only nod. Elphaba’s slender, green fingers reached for Glinda’s hand. Both were trembling slightly, still not having fully processed what had just happened.

Time seemed to slow down as both women watched each others’ fingers come closer and closer. At last Elphaba’s hand touched Glinda’s. 

And fell right through it.

Alarmed, Elphaba tried again. And again, she couldn’t touch Glinda. She swore angrily under her breath. Glinda was clueless as to what was going on. She too tried to touch Elphaba. Seconds ago she had been able to hug her, for the Unnamed Gods sake! But she only grasped air. 

‘What is happening!?’, she exclaimed. Slowly, panic started to creep in. She didn’t want to be stuck here! She didn’t want to be trapped in this white room! She didn’t want to be unable to feel anyone ever again!

Elphaba just laughed quietly and Glinda had never felt so angry before. Her blood was rushing loudly in her ears. She felt the horrible urge to punch something – or preferably someone. 

‘Calm down’, Elphaba chuckled. Glinda didn’t see how her fate would be so amusing and just huffed in response. 

‘Be proud of yourself, my sweet! You’ve cheated death!’ Glinda couldn’t believe what she heard. 

‘What do you mean!?’

‘I – death cannot touch you’, Elphaba explained. Glinda frowned. 

‘What do you mean?’, she asked again.

‘I mean that you’ve stalled me long enough that your friends had time to save you’, Elphaba said.

‘They’re not my friends’, Glinda muttered. Elphaba just looked at her with those beautiful eyes and Glinda’s anger vanished. ‘So that means that I don’t have to die?’, she asked. Elphaba nodded. 

‘Until we meet again, my sweet!’, Elphaba said. She shot Glinda one last smile and disappeared into thin air. Just like that she was gone and Glinda was left alone in the white room. She couldn’t help but feel very alone. A tear escaped her eye and rolled down her cheek. She already missed the green mystery. She took a shuddered breath and looked around. How in Oz was she supposed to get home now?

The answer came the very next second. The light turned off all at once and Glinda was surrounded by darkness so thick that she could have cut through it. Then she felt something pull on her and she let herself get yanked away.

~~~

Glinda woke up in the infirmary of the mauntery. She felt as though she was in trance. The fireplace emitted a gentle glow and hushed voices talked too fast for Glinda to understand. She let herself sink back into the cushions. They were hard and not for the first time Glinda thought back to the gloriously soft bed she had owned in the Emerald City. How she missed that place! The only green she saw these days was that underwhelming hue of the garden. 

Suddenly, Glinda shot up again. Her mind was filled with a different verdigris. Elphaba! Had she been real? Or just a vision of Glinda’s deranged mind? She couldn’t tell. Oh, how she yearned for that shade of green and divine laugh and melodic voice and smart mind. Her heart soared. 

‘Stop that’, Glinda chastised herself. No crushes on any girl any more. She couldn’t allow herself to ever go back there. ‘I don’t like her, I don’t like her, I don’t like her’, she chanted in her mind. But the mantra was no match for her feelings. It never had been. Glinda wanted to cry. She didn’t even know if Elphaba had actually talked to her. And now she was stuck with this terrible, terrible longing. 

Glinda curled up on the bed. She just wanted to sleep until her feelings were gone. Tomorrow would surely be different. But she knew it was a lie as soon as she thought it.

‘Oh, you mean green thing’, Glinda whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dedicate this to the wonderful Discord Server. Y'all are amazing.


	2. Chapter 2 - In which they meet again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be dying, panic attacks, and suicidal thoughts in this chapter. Please read with care.

It had been a month since Glinda had died. She still often had headaches and her nose was permanently crooked. She hated it. But at least she was alive. Not that her life was anything special. The other maunts still hated her and she hated them. They made her responsible for destroying part of the sanctuary. They were right in doing so, of course. They didn't understand though how someone as tiny as Glinda could cause that much destruction. And she would never tell them about her ... talents. Talents a certain green someone was the patron of.

She still missed Elphaba greatly. She had started praying that she might meet her again. It was ridiculous how her insides fluttered whenever she smelled pines or caught sight of a particular shade of green. She had started drawing again and filled pages with sharp features and pointed hats. She silently wished for dangerous situations so that she might be visited by Elphaba again. Not that life in a mauntery provided many such situations. 

Glinda sighed. Once again she was stuck with cleaning while the other maunts enjoyed the beautiful weather outside. She despised being at the bottom of the food chain. It was always her who had to work the longest, it was always her who had to take the worst jobs, it was always her who got the smallest amounts of food. This time around, it was her responsibility to take care of the washrooms. She wrinkled her nose. The smell was almost unbearable. Glinda missed having people work for her. Though she felt awful knowing that other people would have to do these kind of things and not even as a punishment but as their actual job.

She got back to the task at hand and tried to avoid seeing herself in the mirror. How deep she had fallen! Tears sprang into her eyes as she thought of the future she would have had. There had been a fiancé and a house in one of the better parts of the City. There had been socialising and friends and acquaintences. There had been balls and dresses, jewellery and banquets. 

And now, what was left? Glinda had no friends nor family, she was an outcast and poor. Instead, she had maunts that bullied her and washrooms to clean. She cursed the day the people had discovered her little secret. She often wished to go back in time. Back to that fateful day and tell herself what she knew now. How many tears could be avoided, how much pain and anger could be saved. 

A little nasty voice at the back of her head reminded Glinda that she wouldn't have met Elphaba the way she did then. It spoke quietly enough that Glinda could pretend to not have heard it. She could have argued that death comes to everyone at some point, of course. But she was tired of having that same argument over and over again.

Slowly, Glinda got up from the floor. The bells were calling her to the midday prayer so she left to go to the prayer room. She quietly slipped in and hid herself at the very back. The superior maunt spoke of sin and punishment. And reminded the maunts to repent. They would all come before the Wizard's Judgement Seat. And they would all have to atone for their shortcomings. Glinda did her best not to listen. She thought about a certain woman instead. 

Ever since Elphaba had told her the story about how she came to be, Glinda burned with more questions. She wanted to know if the other Gods and Goddesses were real as well. She also wondered who had been the God that saved - killed Elphaba.

After the sermon had ended, Glinda returned to her assignment. There was still so much to do. After a few hours, a maunt bursted into the washrooms. 'Glinda, quick, hurry outside. We have guests who need your help', she ordered and vanished as fast as she had appeared. Inelegantly Glinda rose to her feet. Her knees hurt from the awkward position on the floor. 

She hurried outside where she was met with impatience. Many suitcases were strewn around and Glinda shuddered just thinking about carrying them all inside. She grabbed the first one and pulled it into the entrance hall. The next few ones followed in a similar fashion and Glinda felt her shoulders being strained by their weight.

As she walked outside again, she heard a loud scream and neighing. She turned around and saw a carriage without a driver speeding towards her. The horses were panicking and Glinda knew she would have nowhere to hide.

She closed her eyes and waited for the impact.

~~~

Glinda opened her eyes. She was back in that dark room again. The light turned on and this time it didn't scare her. Calmly, she turned around and sure enough, there was a cloaked figure sporting a pointed black hat.

'Hello', Glinda greeted her smiling. 

Elphaba returned the smile. 'Hello, my sweet.'

Glinda couldn't help but notice how shy she seemed this time. But she herself felt strangely intimidated by the other woman's presence. It had been so long ago that they had last seen each other and yet Glinda felt like it had been yesterday. She still had missed Elphaba terribly.

'It's good to see you again, though I had hoped many decades would pass before that.'

Glinda shrugged. 'I have been called clumsy by many people. It's a wonder, we didn't meet earlier!'

Elphaba chuckled. She shifted her weight so that she leaned on her broom more. Glinda couldn't remember having seen it the last time. She shot Elphaba a questioning look. 

'You didn't have that with you when I last saw you, right?' Elphaba seemed confused at first, then she understood what Glinda was referring to.

'I travel by broom if I have to be fast', she explained. 'You see, I attended the Council today and had to hurry on my way back.'

The Council of the Gods and Goddesses. Glinda knew that most mortals would be terrified of asking about the most powerful beings - if they even existed that is - in fear of offending them. But Glinda had always been too curious for her own good. So she asked Elphaba what they had discussed today. Immediately, the Goddess's expression turned sour.

'You don't have to talk about it!', Glinda said hastily. She did not want Elphaba to feel forced into sharing her life with her. Not that she believed she could make someone like Elphaba do anything against her will. She didn't seem like the type of person - Goddess - to be a pushover. Elphaba sighed loudly and Glinda wanted nothing more than to comfort her. She feared it wasn't her place, though.

'It's just', Elphaba started. 'I'm not that popular with the others. They think I'm eerie and not enough like them. I usually get into quarrels with them every time I'm at the Council. And this time it was ... it was about you.' 

Glinda's ears were burning and she wanted the ground to swallow her whole so badly. She had been the reason Elphaba had gotten into trouble? Guilt made her insides turn upside down. Elphaba sensed her uneasiness. 

'Hey', she whispered, 'it's nothing major. If they hadn't complained about my letting you go, they would have found something else to criticise. Everything is alright, okay?' She stepped closer to Glinda and reached for her hesitantly. She stopped her hand shortly before it would have landed on Glinda's arm. Glinda's heart was thundering in her chest and she felt herself blush. She cursed her pale complexion for betraying her feelings immediately. But Elphaba's cheeks coloured as well, turning an even darker green. Glinda was mesmerized. She could not remember ever having seen something that gorgeous. She really, really wanted to touch Elphaba. 

So she did.

When Glinda's cold fingers made contact with Elphaba's warm cheek, she could have screamed with glee. Elphaba on the other hand seemed positively shocked. Her mouth fell open and she jerked back the tiniest bit. But after a moment she melted into Glinda's touch, blushing impossibly darker and looking away shyly. Glinda wondered when Elphaba's last physical contact had been. She started to gently carress the wonderfully soft skin under her fingertips. Humming lowly as she traced the high cheekbones and sharp jaw. Elphaba's eyes fluttered shut and she leaned more into Glinda's hand. 

'You know', Elphaba spoke softly, 'you fascinate me greatly, my sweet.' Her eyes opened very slowly again and transfixed Glinda. The intense stare made Glinda flush pink. It was almost overpowering to be looked at in that soul-examining way. She had heard stories of people who had gone insane simply by looking into a God's eyes. And in that moment Glinda questioned if she would still be alive, had she not already been dead. 

'What do you mean?', Glinda asked in the same hushed tone trying not to burst the bubble they were in. 

'You told me you don't believe in me or the others...'

'I don't!', Glinda interjected, prompting a chuckle from Elphaba.

'And yet you seem to have no problem talking to me or feeling guilty over things that happened in the Council.'

'Well, you see. If you are a figment of my imagination then I don't have to fear speaking to you', Glinda explained. She slowly detached her hand from Elphaba's face. She was startled when Elphaba grabbed her hand gently and interwined their fingers. Pink went surprisingly good with green. Not that Glinda had already spent hours dreaming about what their skin tones would look like next to each other, obviously.

'And the guilt?, Elphaba asked.

Glinda fearfully avoided looking into those breathtaking eyes. The white vastness also deserved to be inspected! Elphaba sighed almost inaudibly. Then she pressed a kiss onto Glinda's knuckles. Glinda's heartbeat sped up. Or maybe it stopped. Glinda couldn't tell. Elphaba blinked a few times as if she was just as caught of guard by her action as Glinda. 

'I - You don't ... you don't have to talk about it', Elphaba mumbled flustered. 

'It's alright', Glinda said and smiled at her. 'It's just ... I always feel guilty about so much. I tend to take the blame for things I didn't even do, you know?'

Elphaba nodded. 'I know that feeling all too well. Occupational disease, you see.' She smiled down at Glinda and disentangled their fingers. Maybe the combination of physical and emotional closeness was too much for her. Glinda already missed the feeling of holding Elphaba's hand. But Elphaba still had her walls down and looked so heartbreakingly vulnerable. Glinda could not believe that she was allowed to see her this way. She had never felt more special.

And then her insecurities crept in. 

Who was she to deserve this? Who was she to steal a Goddess's time with her banalities? Who was she to touch her, to talk to her, to dream about her? Had she not already done enough wrong? Did she not deserve punishment for her perversities, for her wickedness? 

Glinda felt dirty. She wanted nothing more than to crawl out of her own skin. How could she dare to do this? Her breaths became shallow and her head was reeling.

'Hey, hey! Look at me!', Elphaba urged panicked. She grasped Glinda's face and lifted it up so they were looking at each other.

Glinda could barely make out the green face in front of her. Her vision had gone blurry and there was this horrible, loud roaring in her ears. Elphaba's mouth might have moved. Or maybe it didn't. There was no difference. Glinda felt herself falling, falling down that all too familiar spiral. She knew where this would end. She tasted bile on her tongue.

Elphaba laid her down on the floor. Instantly, Glinda curled up in a ball. She was shaking violently. Elphaba sat down beside her and waited, not knowing how to help any further.

An eternity later, Glinda started to calm down. Her muscles hurt and she was still trembling but at least her breathing slowed down to a normal speed. Her thoughts were still sprinting around in circles but it was getting better. The panic had tired itself out. It would never be truly gone though.

Embarrassed, she scoooted away from Elphaba. 'I'm sorry', she whispered hoarsely. 

Elphaba shook her head. 'There's nothing to be sorry about, love.' 

Glinda didn't believe her. But she didn't dare say anything about it.

'Do you - do you have these attacks often?', Elphaba asked gingerly, her eyes full of worry.

'Sometimes', Glinda admitted, 'But it has been a while since my last one.' The workload usually didn't give her enough time to spiral out of control. With a sigh she got up again. Elphaba was by her side immediately with still the same worry on her face. Glinda's heart started speeding up again but for a very different reason this time. 

'You know what? I don't get it at all', Glinda said with a tired but genuine smile. 'Your name is as wrong as can be. You're the least wicked person I've ever met.' 

Elphaba returned the smile. She was blushing again and Glinda wanted to kiss her so badly. She would never have the courage to do so, though. Instead, she did the next closest thing and grabbed her hand. Elphaba had the softest, warmest hands Glinda had ever touched. Hers were almost always cold. She hoped Elphaba didn't mind. 

And if Elphaba's strong - but definitely not uncomfortable - grip was any indication, she didn't mind at all.

Suddenly, the Goddess's head jerked up. Her ears perked as if she was listening to something Glinda couldn't hear. 

'I'm sorry, my sweet. I have to go now. Don't wait for me', Elphaba said and then she was gone without a trace. 

Glinda was confused. What was so important that the Goddess couldn't finish her job? And what was she supposed to do now? She whispered her questions into the white nothingness of the room. But the nothingness didn't answer.

And then the light turned off again and the familiar pull tugged at Glinda. She gave in and let herself get whisked away.

~~~

The first thing Ginda felt was pain. It filled her up from her toes to the end of her hairs, burning hot and freezing cold at the same time. Glinda would have screamed if she could have but even the tiniest movements were unbearable. 

Her body was destroyed. She didn't even have to look at herself. She just knew. Her bones were shattered. Her organs torn to shreds. 

A sob ripped from her throat causing pain to curse through her veins. She was dead. Or she should be. She was irreparably damaged. Why was she alive?

Elphaba. She ought to have taken Glinda with her. But she didn't. And now Glinda was in agony. She wished Elphaba had taken her.

Months flew by and Glinda was slowly healing. Not being able to die, there was not much else her body could do. The maunts called her survival a miracle. They saw it as a gift from the Gods. They even started to treat Glinda better because this whole thing had to mean that there was a higher purpose waiting for her. Glinda wished she hadn't been given this "gift". But she could hardly complain to anyone about being alive.

At least her powers helped her get better faster. She believed - or hoped - that Elphaba had something to do with that. She missed that green woman a lot. Her dreams were filled with many shades of green and dark eyes that could look into her soul. Lying on the hard bed in the infirmary, Glinda spent weeks fantasising about meeting Elphaba again. She had to tell and ask her so much. 

At last Glinda was allowed to go outside again. Leaning onto her walking aid, she took a few shaky steps into the enclosed garden. Autumn had painted the leaves beautiful colours. Reds and yellows, browns and oranges whirled all around Glinda, entrancing her, bewitching her. 

She never wanted to go inside again. She didn't want to return to that place. She didn't belong there anymore. She didn't belong anywhere in this world anymore. Her heart and spirit had crossed to the other side. Only her damaged body was keeping her soul here.

And like lightning a thought struck Glinda. 

She couldn't stay in the mauntery. And she wanted to, had to meet Elphaba again.

Glinda had to die.


End file.
